Tag Archives: determination

What Frees You To Be Yourself…And To Achieve To Your Potential: Acceptance Of Self And Others From A DBT-CBT Perspective

Posted on March 7, 2010 | Leave a comment

I came across a discussion item on LinkedIn a little while ago about “What frees you to achieve to your potential.” The individual posting the question focused on “self-discipline”…well, that was not what I had in mind when I read the discussion headline in my email. Here’s my response!

“I believe self-discipline is a must, but that hasn’t set me free…it burdens me because I am overly-driven. I believe that my tenacity, perseverance, and ability to stay at a task long after others would have left it is a God-given gift…yet sometimes, I think it is also a curse! I guess I haven’t incorporated the “balance” component yet!However, I also believe that I am able to step out of my comfort zone, put myself “out there” or extend myself, try things…and achieve some pretty awesome things now and then because I do not expect that I will be perfect and I recognize that foibles, errors, and imperfections are very human. I realize that not everyone will like me or my style…and that’s okay…because not everyone will! No matter how great someone is…there’s always critics in every corner!I believe acceptance of my humanity and acceptance of the varied temperments of others helps to free me to be myself…extend myself…and be who I was designed to be…and do what I was designed to do. That sure helps me to work through the neurotic self-doubt and shame that has haunted me over the years.”

As I considered that response, it reminded me of a section in the introduction of the DBT-CBT Workbook I wrote last year. This section is entitled, “Saving Face: DBT-CBT in Action” and the text from this section is below.

You’ve heard the saying about “stepping in it.” Well, I sometimes “step in it”…and the work of this book is no exception! I spoke to a professor at Texas A&M, Dr. Brian Stagner, about reviewing this workbook. He was my mentor during graduate school and he graciously agreed. Although I’m proud of this work, at the same time, I’m a little embarrassed by it! That’s a dialectical problem by the way! I figured he’d be impressed by the content, but stunned by the language and grammar…so, I never sent it to him!

Part of DBT-CBT is Choosing Our Battles and Taking a Stand and Fighting for what’s MOST IMPORTANT to us…NOT EVERYTHING in life. It’s also about being prepared for and accepting the consequences of our behavior and choices. It’s also about being wise…and we’ll see if I made a wise choice! I expect to take some hits on grammar, like dangling participles, commas instead of semicolons, overuse of contractions, pronoun and antecedent disagreement, Texas slang, and other informal language and grammar. The truth, I wrote this for the average person and in a language many people speak…except for some southern slang! It wasn’t written for a professional audience, though I hope many in that audience will read it. I’m an informal, “down-home girl” and I wrote this for “down-home people.” I CAN BE formal if I have to be, but I certainly PREFER NOT!

Another criticism I expect is repetition in the workbook. I tried to write this as I would speak it and teach it in Group. When I teach important principles and concepts, I often repeat myself by explaining the same thing in different words…one sentence right after another. Sometimes, hearing something said in different ways helps us to understand and remember it better…and if our minds have wandered, maybe we’ll get it the second or third time around! I’m very invested in the people I work with…and I’m passionate about doing my part to change lives. I drill home some points because this is intended to be a learning AND recovery experience. It’s NOT designed for casual reading or entertainment purposes!

You’ll notice some repetition across chapters. My belief, most people don’t have audiographic memories…like they hear something once and remember it. My goal is for people to understand and remember these life-changing principles, concepts, and skills…so they’ll be equipped to apply them in Real Life. Many of us are hard-headed and need this information drilled into our minds. We may not WANT to hear some things and we may not be ready to look at or process some things. We usually have to be emotionally MOVED before we DECIDE to make difficult life changes. Being MOVED often involves looking at the Big Picture of Reality until our eyes are opened and the truth sinks in. Further, to learn how to carry out these skills and to live these concepts…we need to live, eat, and breathe this information until we know it so well we can repeat it back to ourselves. We LEARN by repetition.

Also, everyone doesn’t read a book cover to cover in a few days. When time goes by, a review of important principles and concepts helps us to get the most out of what we’re reading. Further, when we’re stressed out by life, our brain is working full capacity to survive and meet here-and-now demands…and it isn’t always so able to fully process and learn new information. On top of all this, some of us have used a lot of drugs and alcohol, are aging, on medications, or have had head injuries…and our attention, concentration, and memories aren’t like they used to be! Also, some folks have had learning problems all their lives. Others may have symptoms of mental illness which affect their ability to concentrate. In my mind…REPETITION IS GOOD!

The last point of embarrassment is…there WILL BE errors and typos…and Lord, I hope not…lost lines…where they disappear when the document is printed. I know I’m obsessive-compulsive…a perfectionist in many ways. I could review this book for ANOTHER year…and continue to make changes. However, if I don’t GET ‘ER DONE…it’ll be half of forever before it’s in print and can be helpful to people who are HURTING and SUFFERING. Getting this in print is much more important than perfection and my ego.

Some folks don’t like how I’ve used CAPITAL LETTERS. I took some out, but left many. Again, I’m trying to drill home points. The capital letters are intended to draw attention to important principles and concepts…things I really want folks TO GET and be aware of! Sometimes, they’re for emphasis (like to say louder when we’re reading), but most often they’re there to highlight a point. The capital letters may make reading a little difficult until you get used to the writing style.

So, I resolve my dialectical problem of being both proud of this work and embarrassed by it. I realize I want to print the PERFECT book to please a professional audience…however, I also recognize this book is for the average person who desperately seeks recovery. THAT IS its value and purpose. I ACCEPT that no matter how obsessive-compulsive and perfectionistic I am, I’m not perfect and I’ll make errors despite my best efforts to avoid them. I also understand that although I’m a highly educated professional, it’s not my spirit to interact with the world in a formal manner. I’m different, I’m down-to-earth, I am ME…and I’m okay. Some people will accept and embrace this work…others will criticize it. I understand some people will find fault no matter what…but, I’ve “stepped in it” and have set myself up for criticism because I haven’t used proper grammar or writing rules.

I’ll take my hits, do Damage Control, fix things as I see appropriate, and I’ll move on down the Recovery Path…and on with life! Perhaps our paths will cross as we journey through the Pathways of Recovery. Hope to see you there.

And to that, I say, “AMEN!”

So, what frees you to be yourself…and to be who you were designed to be…and to do what you were designed to do?

This text was adapted from the DBT-CBT Therapy Workbook – “Out-of-Control: A Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) – Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Workbook for Getting Control of Our Emotions and Emotion-Driven Behavior” by Melanie Gordon Sheets, Ph.D. – copyright 2009 – Recovery Works Publications

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Posted in Acceptance - Non-Acceptance, Excerpts, Normal People

Tagged acceptance, acceptance of others, acceptance of self, achievements, achieving, CBT, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, compulsive behavior, DBT, DBT-CBT, determination, ego, freedom, humanity, obsessiveness, perfectionism, perseverance, personal faults, personal integrity, positive self-affirmations, self-determination, self-disciipline, self-growth, self-respect, self-understanding, success

Using Rational Mind to Challenge the Emotional Mind Lies We Tell Ourselves That Sabotage Our Self-Confidence and Recovery: A View of Addiction Recovery from a DBT-CBT Therapy Perspective

Posted on January 18, 2010 | 2 comments

Here’s an “adapted” excerpt from the DBT-CBT “Out-of-Control” therapy workbook. It’s from Chapter 7, the Rational Mind chapter. This chapter discusses Rational Mind in detail and offers many Rational Mind challenges for the Emotional Driven Lies we tell ourselves AND WE BELIEVE…ones that often sabotage our self-esteem and our recovery.

The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy of Failure:
“I expect to fail so I don’t try very hard …so, I fail.”

SKILL BUILDER: Failing to Succeed…or Successful Failures

Consider the lies we tell ourselves about success and failure, like,

“I’ll NEVER be able to do it.”

“Everything I try gets screwed-up somehow.”

What do you say about your failures? ____________________________
________________________________________________________

The truth…we MAY HAVE failed at MANY tasks. If so, we need to rationally understand why. Quite often, we fail because we DON’T TRY to succeed. We “KNOW” we can’t do it…so we DON’T TRY, or we DON’T TRY VERY HARD.

Despite USUALLY giving things ONLY A HALF-HEARTED EFFORT, we may recall some times WHEN WE REALLY TRIED, but failed anyway. BUT, DON’T THINK we’re off the hook because of some FULL EFFORT failures.

WE DON’T GET TO STOP TRYING just because when we’ve REALLY TRIED, we’ve still failed! Rational Mind would inform us that MOST PEOPLE WHO SUCCEED HAVE FAILED MANY TIMES. There are many TRUE stories to support this TRUTH.

Which stories have you heard…about people who FINALLY SUCCEED AFTER A LONG STRING OF FAILURES? _____________________________
_____________________________________________________

Abraham Lincoln ran for MANY political positions and lost MANY TIMES before he ever WON an election. The ONE he won was THE BIG ONE…the PRESIDENTIAL election! There are MANY stories about business leaders who had MANY failed businesses before they hit it big! Henry Ford went bankrupt 5-6 times because of failed businesses before he gained success in the automotive industry. The Heinz company had the same kind of start. Have you read that Oprah was fired from a reporter’s job because she wasn’t right for TV? Somebody certainly misjudged her!

Some of our greatest leaders and wealthiest people failed many times
before they achieved great success.

When we fail, we need to SEEK AN UNDERSTANDING of WHY we failed. We need to LEARN FROM IT and CORRECT WHAT WE’RE DOING. We need to change or adjust our plan to deal with what went wrong. Successful “failures” start with PLAN A and go to PLAN B, C, D, E…and so on until things work out! Despite their failures, THEY KEEP ON KEEPING ON!

It’s also important to be Mindful of our successes and accomplishments and to note WE’VE ALL HAD SOME! We also need to realize that WHEN WE’VE TRIED…when we’ve REALLY STUCK WITH IT, we’ve overcome challenges…and WE HAVE BEEN SUCCESSFUL. Consider the 8-18 attempts at recovery that it takes people ON AVERAGE to become clean n’ sober. Through our recovery attempts, we learn about our triggers and relapse patterns. We learn we REALLY HAVE TO change the things in our life that we DON’T WANT TO CHANGE…things that we’ve refused to change, like friendships, activities, and abusive or conflict-filled relationships. Because of our repeated failures at recovery, we FINALLY SUCCEED! That’s because we’ve revised our Recovery Plan SO MANY TIMES that we FINALLY GET ENOUGH OF THE NECESSARY CHANGES made! We’re hard-headed and we’ve got to learn from OUR experiences…and in the world of recovery…these experiences ARE OFTEN RELAPSES.

Does this information change the way you think about your “failures”? If so, explain. ______________________________________________
___________________________________________________

Changing our LIFESTYLE and our LIFE IS VERY DIFFICULT.
We need to ACCEPT OUR FAILURES
and UNDERSTAND they’re a NATURAL part
of the LEARNING PROCESS…
IF we learn from them.

It’s clear that Emotion-Driven Thoughts like, “I can’t do it. Why try?” are lies we tell ourselves. What’s the truth? _______________________________
______________________________________________________

The truth is, WHEN WE KEEP TRYING, things FINALLY work out. Sometimes, we don’t succeed because we aren’t going about it the right way. Therefore, we need to get a NEW PLAN. Sometimes, we try to do more than is do-able at one time. We plunge head first when we’d be better off wading in and taking smaller steps! There are many reasons why we haven’t reached our goals. Fortunately, most of these problems can be overcome with PERSISTENCE and a REVISED GAME PLAN!

Footnote: This footnote is “margin text” from the workbook alike the dark red inserts in the text above…however, these weren’t so easily woven in! This first one relates to the 8-18 tries at recovery it takes on average to recover from substance abuse.

“Some say, ‘Been there, done 14, I’ve got to be real close to making it!’ Folks who are new to recovery are discouraged, ‘I don’t want to do this that many times.’ Be Mindful that 8-18 is an average. Some make it on the 1st try (they need to write the book!), others on the 25th. Some make it in 3 tries, others in 20. Bear in mind though…these numbers don’t mean it’s okay to relapse 17 times and then work real hard on the 18th try!”

These are “sayings” in the margin that go along with the text:

“If we don’t put forth a FULL effort,
we’ll never REALLY KNOW if we can succeed.”

“We never fail until we quit trying.
Success comes to those who are determined
to overcome obstacles in their path.”

When we understand that our failures are part of the learning process,
then we can constructively accept our failures and learn from them.

We’re so willful and hard-headed about recovery…
we won’t take someone’s advice or learn from THEIR experiences.
We have to learn from OUR personal experiences…
which is often OUR failures!

A mistake is only a mistake
if we fail to learn from it!
When we learn from our experiences,
our failures become a stepping stone toward success!
Therefore, a recovery goal is to Turn On Rational Mind to challenge our “failure” lies…
and to Turn On Wise Mind to make some adjustments to our Game Plan!
That’s because WE haven’t failed, our plan has!

Hope you enjoyed this blog entry and that it helps to challenge destructive “failure” thoughts. It took half of forever to format this…the format of the workbook doesn’t cut n’ paste very well…or at least I haven’t learned yet how to do it more efficiently! Life is one big learning curve and I guess sometimes we’ve just got to hold on…persevere…and enjoy the ride!

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Posted in Acceptance - Non-Acceptance, Emotional Mind, Rational Mind, and Wise Mind, Excerpts, Relapse - Recovery Dynamics, Self-Destructive Behavior, Thinking - Destructive, Willingness - Willfulness

Tagged acceptance, addictions, breaking habits, CBT, challenging negative thoughts, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, DBT, DBT-CBT, determination, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Emotion-Driven Lies, failure, fighting for recovery, full relapse, goal-driven behavior, hope, learning from our mistakes, learning from personal experience, linkedin, mindfulness, mistakes, negative thinking, optimism, overcoming failures, overcoming mistakes, partial relapse, perseverence, Rational Mind, rational thinking, recovery, relapse, relapses, sabotaging oneself, self-destructive behavior, self-help, self-understanding, struggling through addictions, success, successful leaders, therapy, Wise Mind, working through failures

What Causes People to Change? When It’s Painful To Change But More Painful Not To

Posted on December 12, 2009 | Leave a comment

Pain and Suffering and the Pain of Change

Pain is a type of distress. It’s a natural part of life. Pain is designed to be temporary. The purpose of pain is to PUSH US TO DO SOMETHING to end the pain…so we can return to a pain-free state. Pain is a call to action.

Alike most things in life, we have two choices when it comes to pain. We can either LEAN INTO the painful situation and change things or we can work hard to avoid dealing with it.

If all we do is work to avoid pain…if we don’t Lean Into it…if we don’t deal with it…if we refuse to accept it…if we refuse to do what’s needed to get through it …OUR PAIN WON’T GO AWAY. It’ll be with us for a long time.

Running from our problems just prolongs our agony and brings us to a chronic state of suffering… a long-term condition of being overwhelmed with despair and stuck in the same place and time… and we don’t move forward.

We want things to get better in our life, but we’re NOT WILLING to do the things that will make our life better. We want life to change, but we’re not in the mood to change.

We generally DON’T CHOOSE to make major life changes “out of the blue” or on our own. Change usually happens when we’re FORCED to make changes. And most often, we make changes when we have NO OTHER CHOICE but to change. We generally let things get SO BAD that the pain of living like we’re living is MUCH GREATER than the pain of change…and that’s when we begin to change.

If we really want our life to change, we have to make changes…despite the distress of change. Our life isn’t going to get better unless we do things that make life better. When people make major life changes, a strong commitment is made, like, “Come hail or high water, this is going to happen. I’m going to do what I have to do, no matter what. I’m so tired of living this way. I refuse to allow myself to live like this any longer.”

Excerpt from Chapter 11 “Distress Tolerance” of the DBT-CBT Therapy Workbook entitled: “Out-of-Control: A Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) – Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Workbook for Getting Control of Our Emotions and Emotion-Driven Behavior” (Melanie Gordon Sheets, Ph.D. – 2009 – Recovery Works Publications)

http://www.dbt-cbt-workbook.com

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Posted in Avoidance - Denial, Depression and Suicidality, Excerpts, Pain and Suffering, Relapse - Recovery Dynamics, Willingness - Willfulness

Tagged acceptance, addictions, avoidance, being stuck, breaking habits, CBT, change, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, commitment, conviction, DBT, DBT-CBT, decision-making, depression, determination, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, distress tolerance, fighting for recovery, healing, life changes, making change, pain, pain and suffering, recovery, self-destructive behavior, self-help, struggling through addictions, suffering, Wise Mind

How to Motivate People to Change – Some Keys to Recovery from a DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) and CBT (Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy) Recovery Program

Posted on December 5, 2009 | Leave a comment

From the perspective of a psychologist in a state hospital treatment setting and a population of individuals who have struggled with recovery over time, I believe insight and understanding is a key to creating a desire to change. I believe it greatly helps people to see the big picture of their life and come to an understanding of why their life is like it is…that is, why they have lost “everything” or most everything they’ve ever loved or cherished…or why things always end up so bad…or why anything good never lasts. I believe folks need to grasp that this life outcome is a product of how they have tried to cope with upsetting life events over time…and the way their life is today…is because of the progressive and worsening consequences of their self-destructive coping mechanisms (drugs, alcohol, verbal and physical aggression, suicide threats and attempts, rebound relationships, and other emotion-driven coping choices). I believe that once they grasp that the quality of their life is based on how they attempt to cope with daily life and major life stressors…once they realize that how they cope with life is responsible for the current state of their life….once they really get this…motivation for behavioral change often follows. In the group I do, they are also taught that part of being wise (use of DBT’s Wise Mind) is not only knowing what to do (Wise Mind Game Plan), but it is about “following through with what we know to do”…because there is nothing wise about knowing what to do…and then not doing it! I believe insight and understanding is an initial part of behavioral change. I also believe that knowledge that change is possible is essential. I believe they need to really get it that other people have done it and have made it through. They have to have this knowledge…which breeds hope that the recovery process actually works…that people do recover and live satisfying and meaningful lives. I also believe personal empowerment is a key ingredient. They have to believe that they can do it…that they have the skills and understandings necessary to pull it off.

Thus, they have to understand why things are as they are..(insight and understanding), they have to recognize that change is attainable (knowledge and hope)…and they have to think they can do it (personal empowerment). Of course, they also need the knowledge, skills, and resources for getting through the tough times that are part of making and undergoing major life changes (life-enhancing coping skills, support system, hobbies and activities, busy-ness). They have to understand the concept of Distress Tolerance…that things will be hard, but they must Get Through It…that recovery is not easy…and in fact, it will be one of the hardest things they’ll ever do. They are also taught that change typically does not occur until we are sick n’ tired of being sick n’ tired…that we have to soooo hate the way things are…that we’re willing to do whatever we’ve got to do to change things…that we refuse to live like this any longer. I believe that people need to be filled with recovery attitudes…or rehab-itudes…and they need to be prepared for the fight of their life…which for many is the fight FOR a life (a decent life) and for others, it is a fight for life itself…because the severity of their consequences has escalated into things being so bad…that it comes down to “life or death”…

When the pain of living like we’re living is greater than the pain of change…that’s when most people decide to change…and the question for the rest of us is…how bad do we have to let things get before we’re willing to make changes! It’s a shame that we’re such stubborn creatures, that we have to let things get so bad…before we’re willing to make changes! If only we knew then…what we know now…how we could have spared ourselves of such long-term pain and suffering.

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Posted in Acceptance - Non-Acceptance, Aggression - Physical - Verbal, Emotional Mind, Rational Mind, and Wise Mind, Pain and Suffering, Relapse - Recovery Dynamics, Relationship Dynamics, Self-Destructive Behavior, Substance Abuse, Suicide and Suicidal Behavior, Willingness - Willfulness

Tagged addictions, breaking habits, CBT, changing bad habits, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, coping behaviors, DBT, DBT-CBT, destructive coping behaviors, determination, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, distress tolerance, emotional behavior, Emotional Mind, fighting for recovery, hope, insight, introspection, loss, mindfulness, motivation, motivation to change, pain, pain and suffering, recovery, recovery program, self-destructive behavior, self-understanding, struggling through addictions, willingness, wisdom, Wise Mind

Why Am I Eating More and Gaining Weight: Using DBT-CBT Principles to Become Mindful of Mindless Eating

Posted on November 3, 2009 | Leave a comment

I’ve gone through a very hard time in recent months with my “diet”…or better said, “my eating plan.” My positive eating patterns had become a habit and little emotional energy was invested in the process. I had peace and stability in this area of life. People would ask, “Isn’t it hard to stay on a diet?” No, it really wasn’t because I HAD developed good eating habits…and eating in this manner was natural for me. It was more of a lifestyle than a diet.

But, SOMETHING HAPPENED and these past few months became the most trying time during my four year diet. Not sure what happened, but somehow things got Out-of-Control. I struggled through…and regained fairly good control. Naturally, I’ve been reflecting on WHAT HAPPENED…because I don’t want to let this lifestyle slip through my fingers and for things to get out of hand! I don’t want to get fat again…I don’t want to start the weight gain cycle…AGAIN.

Here’s some things I have thought about. I FINALLY quit smoking in June after 6 attempts this year! Quitting smoking leads to increased eating because my hands and mouth aren’t busy…and reduced metabolism because I’m not loaded with nicotine…HELLO WEIGHT GAIN…and increased appetite!

Another thing that has changed in the last couple of months is that I started taking a daily multivitamin. Now, I haven’t studied recently, but from what I remember, vitamins increase appetite. Not sure why that happens…or if that’s really true. Just some tidbit of information I picked up and think is true.

Another thing…I began living on fruit…fruit was my mainstay…the largest source of calories per day. I loved the fruit diet! However, something was going on and I was craving sweets more…like CHOCOLATE! I was eating the Snickers protein bars…Mmmmm good…however, they are 290 calories each. When I seek to keep calories below 1300 or so a day…that adds up F-A-S-T!!!!

So, I’ve stopped eating fruit…and this has led to a major decrease in the sweet munchies. I’m thinking the sugar in the fruit did something to increase my appetite for SUGAR! In my four years of dieting, I would chocolate binge about once every 4-6 weeks…and while on the fruit diet, the craving for CHOCOLATE was STRONG…and something I gave in to. I believe in “have a craving…satiate it and go on with life.” That has worked very well for me…because I’d eat 800 calories of chocolate…eat less dinner or no dinner…and suffer little net gain in calories that day…and little effect on the monthly average…and little effect on my weight…until recent months!

Another thing that happened in July…is that an overwhelming workload greatly increased…and the type of stress changed…from internal pressure to get the job done…to external pressure…like performance counseling…and a 30-day deadline! I expect the extra stress and the type of distress affected me, too.
Anyways, lots of changes…radical physiological and psycho-emotional changes (nicotine withdrawal and loss, diet change with increased fructose and then refined sugar…and EMOTIONAL STRESS from work…and stress from my daily diet spiraling out of control! You know, I’m sure there are other factors too…that I’m not currently aware of…but, those are the biggest ones on my mind right now!!!! You know…I may have gotten cocky too…had my weight down real good…had this diet thing “down to a science”…and then…slacked off a bit!

Anyways, things have gone fairly well the last 3-4 weeks…actually regained some semblance of peace and stability in my eating. Revisited the 124-125 range…the size 7’s fit again…(size 9 slim fits are sized like a 7!). Went out of town a few days…and did alright. Not a major pig out…ate some restaurant food, but did well with that. Got favorite foods and ate about half. Some extra calories…but nothing Out-of-Control! Back to work tomorrow, will tighten up again…and go on with life. Average calories for October was in the normal range for me…similar to the last 4 years…so,, that’s good!

The last couple of posts in October note what I did to try to get control, so I don’t want to restate EVERYTHING here…cuz I can’t remember and I’m too tired to go back and check!!!! I am Mindful right now that I greatly increased Mindfulness of my eating plan…by reminding myself of my goal (stability in eating, weight management, not get fat again!), counting calories all day so I’m not engaging in mindless eating and CALORIE SHOCK at the end of the day when entering data in the Excel file, controlled portions and food selection (toting certain foods to work and not toting others…and choosing how much to bring, deciding what I’d eat when I got home, eating a little something before I leave work so I don’t go home STARVING TO DEATH…and ready to scarf everything in sight), and temptation management (telling family about my struggle and how to help…DON’T BUY FATTENING FOOD AT THE STORE…and certainly don’t bring it in and let me see it…AND me not buying fattening foods at the store…the ones that are MY favorites!) So, I went back to my early days of dieting…what I did then that worked best for me…to attempt to regain control over my eating.

Another thing I considered is that my weight is low…calorie needs are lower than the early days of dieting…I may be reaching my low…and this may be as low as things naturally go…and I may need to revise MY goal to go lower…and just focus on maintaining this weight…that it may be unreasonable to push myself to lose more. So, with all this in mind…I’m TRYING to be Mindful and to approach this diet thing with Rational Mind and Wise Mind…because Emotional Mind is eating me up!

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Posted in Eating Disorders and Weight Issues, I Finally Quit Smoking!, Mindfulness, Relapse - Recovery Dynamics

Tagged binge eating, chocoloate, comfort eating, compulsive overeating, Counting Calories, DBT, DBT-CBT, determination, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, diet, diet tips, dieting, eating disorder, emotional eating, Emotional Mind, fighting for recovery, introspection, mindfulness, mindlessness, nicotine withdrawal, out-of-control eating, overeating, quit smoking, recovery, relapse, self-help, struggling through addictions, sugar binges, unhealthy eating, weight gain, weight loss

Using DBT CBT Workbook Recovery Skills To Get Control Of My Out-Of-Control Eating! Losing Weight Again!

Posted on October 18, 2009 | Leave a comment

I made it through the diet crisis. What a horrible time that was…to feel so out-of-control of my eating and knowing I was very close to relapse back into an EATING DISORDER! It’s kind of sad to think back to that…I was so desperate and struggling. Writing one of the blogs in that period, it occurred to me how much drama and chaos I was experiencing and allowing myself to go through. Because the theme of my life is “Peace and Stability,” I became sick n’ tired of the chaos and drama…and I took control of my out-of-control self! It was like “Ah, hell no” and I got very serious about getting my life under control.

So, I resolved to take advantage of my Wise Mind thinking and I got a Game Plan. I Followed Through with it and packed my food for my work day (planning, decided what to eat), stopped buying fruit (managed temptation), counted the calories throughout the day (Mindfulness), kept reminding myself of my goal to get control (All Day Daily Devotional), was Mindful of the two choices I had – to eat what I wanted and gain all my weight back or to control my eating and keep my weight down (Two Choices), put up tempting food that the family left out (more temptation management), and I Talked Myself Through impulses to eat something that would increase calories too much (Self-Talk, Talking Myself Through the Moment). I practiced what I preach. I wasn’t perfect though…but kept with it (Perseverance).

Just looked and the last entry was 10 days ago. In that time, I had 3 “bad days” in a row (1380 calories or more)– I pigged out on my husband’s home cooked beans and cornbread one day, another was a bunch of M&M’s, and another was chips. However, had many good days, too. Total calories this month is 1255, so, things have averaged out pretty good. Weight went up to 131 one day…and is now back to 124. 122 is my lowest during the last 4 years of dieting. Was often in the 124-125 range before things got out of control recently.

Other dynamics that have helped me over the past week have included…being overbusy and working long hours at work and having less time for food at home (I have been packing an insulated bag with food for work) , my husband hasn’t cooked since the beans and cornbread episode, I have been playing Zuma a lot when I’m home (pleasure and de-stressing time from overworking at work), and the kids have been VERY busy with school stuff in the evening and they haven’t been cooking much either!! So, the planets have lined up well…and all is well. Praise God. How can I forget…I also prayed and asked God to help me Get Control…because I was doing a horrible job of it on my own.

For some reason, I forgot that it was the 10 days after my period that my weight went up (like to 131 recently). Falling to 124 so fast caught my attention and I looked over my Excel spreadsheet and remembered that. So, I’m at a good time now when my weight should stay lower…for a few weeks. Would be fun to lose a new pound and get to 121.

It’s really unbelievable. I once thought that it would be impossible to hit 135…and that if I ever got to 165 it would be an amazing thing. I started out at 260 on my scale…(did I just put that in print) so, it is pretty unbelievable to be in the 120’s…or even under 200!

My goal is 112. I spent many years of my life in the teens…usually 115-118. If it’s do-able, I would like to hit 112 so I have a little room to move up and down and still stay below 118.

My kid was just reading this and asked why I wrote that I’ve lost 145 pounds if it’s only 136. I reminded her that I got pregnant during the last 4 years…gained weight during the pregnancy and when all was said and done after I lost the baby, I was 13 pounds higher. So, when I went back to my diet, I had to lose those 13 pounds again. So, in reality, I’ve lost 136 pounds + 13…so, I’m really at 149. I count those 13 because I had to lose them again…and regaining them wasn’t my fault…like going back up to 131!

Anyways, all’s well…for now. I guess that’s “for now in the diet world” because my life is entirely Out-of-Control at work…and I can’t stand the feeling. It’s not a wonder why I entitled the DBT-CBT Workbook, “Out-of-Control”!!! The way I’m dealing with that is by busting my butt to get caught up…or at least to get things well enough in control that I don’t feel so overwhelmed and desperately Out-of-Control! I’ll focus on that…work hard now…play later!

Balance is a big thing in the DBT-CBT recovery program and I noticed that I was achieving some semblance of balance by allowing myself to play Zuma for hours instead of working at home and making myself do things I didn’t feel like doing at home. I had to notice that because I felt guilty about playing so much Zuma!

I tell my Group folks that “normal” life isn’t a cakewalk…and “normal” folks aren’t so normal (ain’t I a good example! ) I tell them that “normal” life is stressful and it’s not easy…that “normal” people have many things to struggle with, too….and that’s it’s always something. Things are always “Coming At Us” that we have to struggle through and deal with…that the skills taught in the workbook not only apply to recovery from drugs and alcohol, or cutting and suicide attempts, or depression or Bipolar Disorder…that they are about how to deal with life in general.

I share with them glimpses of my struggles as examples now and then…and I let them know that even though I am years into recovery from my history of seriously self-destructive coping behaviors…I still have to deal with myself on a daily basis…and that I live, eat, and breathe the recovery principles in the workbook…and that I, too, get tired of having to deal with stuff ALL THE TIME!

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Posted in Eating Disorders and Weight Issues, I've Lost 100 Pounds!, Mindfulness, Normal People, Relapse - Recovery Dynamics

Tagged breaking habits, CBT, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, compulsive overeating, Counting Calories, DBT, DBT-CBT, desperation, determination, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, diet, diet tips, dieting, fighting for recovery, God, hope, Impulsive Eating, introspection, Losing Weight, mindfulness, recovery, recovery workbook, relapse, self-help, self-understanding, struggling through addictions, success, weight gain, weight loss, willfulness, Wise Mind

On Losing 145 Pounds and Using Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to Regain Control Over My Over-Eating Eating Disorder!

Posted on October 7, 2009 | Leave a comment

Well, here’s another day of my recent fight to regain control of my eating and to continue to lose weight…and to prevent a full relapse into my over-eating Eating Disorder!

Felt great to weigh in at 127. One less than yesterday and a common weight for me over the past few months…and going in the right direction!

Started my day with Mindfulness of recovery being my #1 priority today. I thought about how I wanted to eat this day and I took note of what was coming at me today that could challenge my recovery. I thought about the Service Awards Celebration that would be held today at work. They’d serve cake, cookies, and other goodies. I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t eat anything there, so I was aware I needed to plan my food day to allow for that!

Started my work day by buying some time and drinking coffee first thing rather than settling into my 1-1/2 sandwiches of fat-free turkey and double fiber bread (230 cals!). Had that at about 11:30. That held me just fine until the Awards Celebration…I got a 20-year with the state of Texas award. Cool. I did good until the end when folks were chatting by the food tables…and I did it! I had a small piece of cake and would have had a chocolate chip cookie, but no chocolate cookies left of any sort and I wouldn’t waste calories on non-chocolate! Got out of there with only about 50 cals worth of cake! Oh yea! Awesome!

Well, just like I am…I get back to my work area…and there’s candy bars on the counter for sale for Relay For Life…and seeing them brings on the sweet munchies that were brought on by not getting the chocolate chip cookie! Mentioned to my friend that I had the sweet munchies now and she told me about all the treats she had stored in her desk! Oh boy! So had a Reese’s candy bar (270 cals), about a dozen M&M’s….and a good handful of cashews. Can’t imagine that to be more than about 130 calories. Delighted because 400 more calories satiated my sweet craving. Did so well that I skipped my afternoon black bean soup.

Worked late, came home at about 7 and enjoyed three yogurts (240 cals) and started on sunflower seeds. Betcha I won’t need to have the Snicker’s chocolate protein bar tonight after sweets earlier today. Really not craving anything except I’m enjoying the seeds! Think I’ll play Zuma for a while and then package up the books which have sold today. I feel so much better that my eating is better under control. Just need to continue what I’m doing and work through this “near disaster” in my recovery!

I kept track of calories all day…grand total of 1030. That’s a bit low (Rational Mind)…though I really like the number! (Emotional Mind) However, I want to re-experience peace and stability in my eating…and not the roller coaster of late. (Rational Mind) Too few calories for one to two days leads me into out-of-control eating while my body tries to replenish itself! (Rational Mind) I’m just not in the mood for more diet drama. Had my fill of that! (Rational Mind) May snack on something to bring it closer to about 1250 (Wise Mind)…but I really like the 1030 number! (Emotional Mind)

Oh boy, hubby just got home bearing Walmart grocery bags…and I get to put them up! My recovery supportive husband brought home three bags of chips…one of which I happen to really like…but, also a bag of apples. So, I was mindful of my recovery and my recovery goals and realized that if I cracked the bag of chips it would be 200 calories in seconds flat! (Rational Mind) Made a decision to put them up and out of my sight. (Wise Mind) Then, I found the bag of apples…ahhhhhh…had two. So, total calories now about 1160…and now he’s grilling hamburgers outside. Hopefully, I’ll just tear one in half and have that! (Wise Mind) That puts me right at that 1250 number! Boy, sure I love the food he cooks out there on the propane grill. Oh…man!

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Posted in Eating Disorders and Weight Issues, Emotional Mind, Rational Mind, and Wise Mind, I've Lost 100 Pounds!, Mindfulness, Relapse - Recovery Dynamics

Tagged addictions, anxiety, binge eating, binging, Borderline Personality Disorder, breaking habits, CBT, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, compulsive behavior, compulsive eating, compulsive overeating, coping skills, DBT, DBT-CBT, desperation, determination, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, diet tips, dieting, eating disorder, Emotion Mind, fighting for recovery, hope, mindfulness, out-of-control behavior, overcoming adversity, overeating, Rational Mind, recovery, recovery skills, relapse, relapse prevention, self-help, struggling through addictions, success, therapy, weight, weight control, weight loss, Wise Mind

Willfulness and Willingness…Fighting for Recovery…From My Overeating Disorder!

Posted on October 6, 2009 | Leave a comment

“You get skinnier every time I see you.” That’s what my friend said to me today…and I thought, “Fat chance of that!”

Weighed this morning – 128. Not horrible, better than 129 the other day…but lots worse than my monthly average the last few months (125 range) with lows at 122-123.

Getting dressed, I put on my size 10’s…my larger pants since I’m not in the 125 range. Oh my God, they were tight. I am not doing tight first thing in the morning, else by mid-afternoon seams will be a-bursting! Went up a half size bigger…ahhhhhh…and to think I was going to put those in storage just in case I started to get fat again. I shouldn’t need to wear those. I wore those at 135. But…if the pants fit, wear them!

I was feeling despondent, helpless, out-of-control…desperate…hopeless. Then, anxiety hit. I realized this could easily be a relapse point. Eating out-of-control…felt discouraged…was bloated…and having to wear “fat pants”…everything was just right for an Emotional Mind recovery sabotage.

My first panic thought was to strictly reduce my calories to 1100…to punish myself. (Emotional Mind thinking).

Rational Mind said, “That’s too low…and punishing yourself will backfire..it’s not a good thing for you.”

Wise Mind said, “Chill out Mel…work to maintain calories in the 1200 range…that’s very do-able for you…you can tighten up a bit.”

Thank God I’m into this DBT-CBT thing…and I live, eat, and breathe it. And thank God I caught myself in the middle of this serious Emotional Mind game. I thought, “You know, I’m not going there.” Then I thought, “I think I’ve just entered a fight for my recovery. It’s at that point now.”

I then recognized I felt a bit angry about this eating thing…frustrated, just tired of it. Then another thought flew through my mind, “I don’t get mad, I get even.” This is usually a negative, revenge type of Emotion-Driven thought, a self-destructive thought. However, for me…today…it was more like, “It’s time to kick this in the ass…I’m tired of it.” “It” being…”I’m tired of my crap”…it’s like “Shit or get off the pot”…or…”If you’re serious about this diet thing, then make it happen already…Get control or lose control. Game’s over. It’s time to get serious.”

I thought about DBT and “Willfulness vs. Willingness.” Well, one is usually bad – the stubborn, willfulness one…and willingness is usually good – the “I’ll do whatever I need to do to be okay”…it’s the “I surrender,” “I accept,”…the, ”I’m ready and willing” one.

Well, for me today, Willfulness was a positive thing. It was the stubborn and determined part of me…that fight from deep inside…being willful in a survivalist type of way…the, “I’ll be damned if this kicks my ass” type of fire from within!

Willingness was there, too. They stood side by side. I was willing to do what I needed to do to get this eating thing going on. I surrender my will to eat whatever I want to eat. I surrender to setting limits for my eating.

Well, I’ve done very well today with just a minimum of distress. Ended the food day at 6:30pm with 1185 cals. For breakfast I had 1-1/2 fat free turkey sandwiches (double fiber whole wheat bread) and drank coffee with about 25 calories of flavored coffee creamer. I had a can of green beans for lunch. That held me over until my mid-afternoon can of black bean soup which kept me from leaving work starving to death and ready to eat everything in sight when I got home from work. Upon arriving home, I had 3 black cherry yogurts (80 cals each and quite a treat) and a Snickers 290 calorie chocolate protein bar (quite a treat…like a candy bar!) I picked at leftovers and had a couple bites of chicken with green peppers. SUCCESS. Had to forego fruit and sunflower seeds today, but I’m fine. Started the sunflower seeds in the evening when I quit cigarettes a few months ago…and also added a lot of fruit then to deal with the nicotine withdrawal CONSTIPATION! Did just fine though without them tonight.

Now…today I went back to some of the dieting basics like I resolved to do a few days ago…yesterday…whenever it was. I kept a running tally of my calories through the day…and emailed them to my home! I was mindful of what I would eat (for the most part), planned my food day (for the most part) and I did the “think through before you do” thing. Now, tomorrow is a new day and I sure hope I experience that fire from within…and fight for my recovery all over again! I hope my battles help you in your fight.

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Posted in Eating Disorders and Weight Issues, Emotional Mind, Rational Mind, and Wise Mind, I've Lost 100 Pounds!, Mindfulness, Relapse - Recovery Dynamics, Willingness - Willfulness

Tagged acceptance, addictions, bloating, Borderline Personality Disorder, CBT, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, DBT, DBT-CBT, determination, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, diet, diet tips, dieting, eating disorder, Emotional Mind, fighting for recovery, hope, introspection, overeating, recovery, relapse, sabotaging oneself, self-help, self-understanding, struggling through addictions, success, weight gain, weight loss, willfulness, willingness, Wise Mind

DBT – CBT and dieting: Counting Calories…and They’re Adding Up!

Posted on October 5, 2009 | Leave a comment

I did good with my eating ALL day…until the bowl of Stouffer’s lasagna just a little while ago. Boy, it sure was good! Enjoyed every cheesy bite! Didn’t need it, just chose to have it. Put me about 200 calories higher than desirable for the day…makes for a “bad” day. Total calories today – 1465. Month average is now 1265 which is perfect for me…just where I want to be. Allows me to lose about a pound or two a month.

I’m bothered by eating more than desirable today. Did well with mindful eating ALL day…until the lasagna! However, I haven’t given up on me…yet. I’m determined to figure this out. A part of me says, “Maybe your body is just ready for maintenance eating” rather than losing weight. That’s probably Rational Mind! Emotional Mind says, “Well, I’m not ready for that. I still want to lose about 10-15 pounds” (Yes, I’ll still be within ideal body weight and more where I was most of my life before I got heavy in my late 20’s.)

The Wise Mind thought crossed my mind, “Just exercise some each day, that’ll take care of those extra calories.” My stubborn, Emotional Mind responded, “Nah, I’d just rather try to eat less.” In other words, I’m too lazy to exercise…I have other interests and things to do…I want to do the diet my way…not the way I know is best. So, I’ll persist in my stubborn ways and see how it goes.

Rational Mind says, “You can continue to try it your way, but if it isn’t working, you’ll have to try something else.” And, Wise Mind says…”See that bowflex and stepping machine behind you…” I think I’d rather give up that chocolate Snickers protein bar (290 cals) rather than exercise an hour! I’d much rather do that!

Touchdown Minnesota…Can’t help to favor Favre!

Tomorrow I’ll eat like I did today, but not allow myself to have the Snicker’s protein bar.

My God, what an awesome play by Green Bay…major pass from Rodgers…touchdown Green Bay. Score is tied. Exciting game!

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Posted in Eating Disorders and Weight Issues, Emotional Mind, Rational Mind, and Wise Mind, I've Lost 100 Pounds!, Relapse - Recovery Dynamics

Tagged acceptance, addictions, breaking habits, CBT, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, constipation, DBT, DBT-CBT, determination, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, dieting, Emotional Mind, fighting for recovery, hope, Rational Mind, recovery, self-help, struggling through addictions, weight gain, weight loss, Wise Mind

Using DBT and CBT to lose weight

Posted on October 4, 2009 | Leave a comment

I’ve lost 145 pounds and now I have to go on a diet! That’s where I’m at right now. I have steadily lost a ton of weight in 4 years and I find myself in need of going on a diet! September was a VERY bad month for me. I had many more bad days with very high calories than usual (in the 1800-2100 range with one day even higher!) Such high calorie days typically happen just a couple times a month…not many times! Last month (September), I ended up with almost 200 more calories per day than typical. May sound like nothing…but, that adds about 1-1/2 pounds to me over the month…and it kept me from losing any weight.

That may not sound bad…but, the problem is…I really struggled this past month. I was “out-of-control” with eating. I’d pig out some days…and then work hard other days to get my overall monthly calorie count lower…only to have more pig-out days…followed by major attempts to control my eating…which still very often resulted in more calories for me than usual. Overall, I did not have a natural eating pattern this month…it was a time of out-of-control eating.

I recognized that I was in a period of early relapse with my eating disorder (over-eating)…and that if I didn’t gain control, I would lose control, and end up “out-of-control” and back in a cycle of weight gain. I was mindful that I could end up gaining a bunch of weight and perhaps end up fatter than when I started. Scary. Don’t want to go there on purpose.

Because I live, eat, and breathe the teachings of the DBT-CBT “Out-of-Control” Therapy Workbook, I began dealing with this early relapse and my neurotic self. Towards the end of the month when I thought,

“Oh my God, I’m going to gain all my weight back”

and various other statements of an Emotional Mind panic, Rational Mind came to my rescue.

“If I don’t gain control, I will lose control, and gaining weight is certainly likely. I’ve done well with this diet thing for 4 years. I’ve been within ideal body weight for a year now. I’ve been losing weight up until this month. I’ve got the skills, willpower, and know-how to get control of myself. I’ve just gotta tighten up and get a Game Plan for getting through this.”

Wise Mind clicked on and I thought, “I’ll just go back to the early days of my diet and start over. I’ll do things like I did back then. I’ll just start from scratch.”

Emotional Mind clicked on, “I can just not eat much tomorrow and the next day, that’ll cut my calories down a lot for the month…and more in line with a normal month.”

Rational Mind and Wise Mind jumped me, “That’s a bad idea. You know better. You’ll just end up pigging out again. You can’t do that. It’s certainly tempting, but not the way to go. I just need to tighten up and do things like I did in the early days of my dieting.”

Emotional Mind reared up again, “Well, I can just starve myself tomorrow and the next day so my calories won’t be bad for the month and THEN I can start over. I don’t want to have such a bad month…and show a 4-pound weight gain this month. That’s awful”

Rational Mind said, “What’s done is done. It’s just numbers. You’ll show a gain this month, and then next month, you’ll go down again. It’s not real weight, well, just a pound or so. You don’t gain 4 pounds eating an extra 5000 calories a month, that’s just a pound and a half or so…and really instead of losing a pound n’ a half this month, you’re just breaking even. You’re on your period so the extra weight is probably just water.”
Wise Mind said, “Chill, you’ll be okay. This is just temporary. Let’s just get a plan.”

So, I began thinking of how I used to do things. It’s been a long time since I’ve had to be on a diet! I had developed such good eating habits that it became a natural part of living, more a lifestyle than a diet! I actually eat a very healthy diet…I’m just eating more…more yogurt, more fruit, more chocolate protein bars!

Part of my diet basics is to let the people I’m around know about my struggles and to solicit their help. So, I told the family I had a very bad September, that I need to tighten up…and that I don’t want to start the weight gain cycle. I asked them not to offer me food and to put their food up when they’re done. Of course, they’re not perfect in my recovery, so when I notice they’ve left something out that could be tempting to me, I put it up!

I’m also walking past temptation telling myself, “I can’t just eat that, I’m on a diet” instead of having a couple bites, a bowl, or a handful. I’m setting limits because my wants now are much greater than they’ve been for a long time…and I guess I’ve slacked off too much. I find myself eating because I feel like it, rather than eating when I’m hungry.

I’m also setting limits and making choices about when I’m going to eat…not just allowing myself to graze.
I also decided that I would count calories through the day instead of just doing it at night. This will increase my mindfulness of calorie intake throughout the day.

This morning as I was waking up and thinking about my day, I decided what I would eat. Since I slept late, I’d eat two meals and an evening snack.

I’ve also thought about the work week because my calories are higher during the week than on the weekends. I will bring a limited amount of food to work. For instance, instead of a huge bag of grapes that should last a few days, I’ll bring about 100 calories worth. I’m in the process of figuring out what my food day will be like at work and what I’ll have at home in the evening.

So, I’ve gone back to some of the basics, but, I’m not perfect in recovery. I’ve had one “bad day” this first four days of October, but three very good days. My overall calorie count is lower than desirable, but I have faith in myself, I’ll be able to get it up without any problem!

FYI: DBT-CBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy – Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy)

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Posted in Eating Disorders and Weight Issues, Emotional Mind, Rational Mind, and Wise Mind, I've Lost 100 Pounds!, Relapse - Recovery Dynamics, Thinking - Destructive

Tagged addictions, breaking habits, CBT, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, DBT, DBT-CBT, determination, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, diet tips, dieting, Emotional Mind, fighting for recovery, hope, lose weight, Rational Mind, recovery, relapse, self-help, struggling through addictions, weight gain, weight loss, Wise Mind

I Quit Smoking and Got Around the Bloating, the Constipation, and the Weight Gain

Posted on July 12, 2009 | 3 comments

I FINALLY quit smoking. I FINALLY DID IT on attempt #6 or #7 this year! I found a way to get past the bloating, the constipation, and the weight gain. Granted, kicking the habit kicked my butt for 6 months…I persevered through the process and made it through! I have almost three weeks under my belt…and for me, that means I’m done. All’s going well…my weight is excellent…no bloating issues…and no constipation!!!! YEA! I’ve fought through this…and finally won. It’s been a tremendous struggle. I’ve always had an easy time quitting in the past and staying quit for long periods of time (years)…however, things are obviously different now…perhaps it is part of the aging process. I’m not sure I will ever take up smoking again…because it is not “easy come, easy go” anymore. I don’t want to have to fight this battle again.

It was awful to “have to smoke again” to get control of the bloating, the weight gain, and the constipation…however, each time I did so, I was aware I’d get soon and try again…as soon as everything went back to normal. I have lost about 140 pounds in the last four years and I was not willing to start the weight gain cycle…and gaining 7-10 pounds in 7-10 days was not okay…and it happened each time I quit smoking this year. I did not believe that my weight was dependent on smoking because I lost the first 100 pounds without smoking…and I’ve been thin before in my life without smoking. I knew I could have one without the other…I knew I could manage my weight without having to smoke. I knew something was wrong because of the tremendous gain in weight so quickly…I knew it was not REAL weight…because you can’t gain 7 – 10 pounds of fat that quickly…eating 1500 calories or less per day. I knew it was something else…but I didn’t understand it. I blamed it on a high nut diet, birth control pills…and various other things…until I finally learned that people bloat and get constipated when they quit smoking…and that it was an effect of nicotine withdrawal. Talking with friends clued me in…so I began to read about it on the net…and then started to do things to address this. What I did is described in the other “Trying to quit smoking” entries in this blog. Read the most recent ones to find out what the last things were that helped…or read them all to learn about what I experienced throughout this 6-month process! What an ordeal this has been. It’s been such a struggle…and now, it’s a burden relieved!

I’m in the process of writing “Ten Tips for Quitting Smoking” to show how I used DBT-CBT therapy principles , skills, and understandings to recover from this addiction. So, that is yet to come…I wish you success as you make it through the process to quit smoking…just don’t stop trying. Recovery from drugs and alcohol takes 8-18 attempts on average…and it’s very likely that breaking the smoking and nicotine addiction is little different.

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Posted in I Finally Quit Smoking!, I've Lost 100 Pounds!

Tagged addictions, bloating, cigarettes, constipation, DBT-CBT, determination, dieting, fighting for recovery, healing, hope, quit smoking, quitting smoking, recovery, self-help, smoking, smoking cessation, struggling through addictions, success, weight gain, weight loss

An Intro to Recovery from the Out-of-Control DBT-CBT Therapy Workbook

Posted on July 1, 2009 | Leave a comment

Welcome to DBT-CBT! This is an exciting time! You’re about to embark on a journey that CAN change your life! The original DBT program developed by Marsha M. Linehan, Ph.D. was designed to treat some of the MOST DIFFICULT to treat individuals…and the results have been ASTOUNDING! This program, DBT-CBT, is based on Dr. Linehan’s work, but it has been GREATLY modified! It includes many original concepts, principles, and techniques developed during 24 years of patient care. MANY PEOPLE have described DBT-CBT to be LIFE-CHANGING, so HAVE GREAT HOPE! Applying the principles of DBT-CBT to your life CAN BE LIFE-CHANGING…but only if you’re WILLING TO MAKE CHANGES in your life. I assume you have great interest in changing your life…in feeling better, in responding to the world better, and having better life outcomes and experiences… else, you wouldn’t be reading this book…especially an Intro!! You’ve already taken the first step on this journey…and the Road to Recovery! WELCOME ABOARD!

This workbook is written for people who are hurting and suffering the pain of life. It’s about bringing hope and peace and the life-changing gift of healing and recovery. I hope you heal and recover. I hope this workbook leads you there. Even if it’s just about “planting seeds” or watering the seeds of recovery that were planted before, then, IT IS GOOD. This workbook CAN BE life-changing…AND HOW I HOPE…it is YOUR LIFE that is changed!

Think about this…if we do not make positive changes in our life, our life will NOT change for the positive. Please remember this. Repeat it over and over…”IF I DO NOT MAKE POSITIVE CHANGES IN MY LIFE…MY LIFE WILL NOT CHANGE FOR THE POSITIVE.” Let that penetrate your soul. Making major life changes is hard to do, BUT with effort, support, and the grace of God, MANY people RECOVER! We all know these people or we’ve heard their stories. They’re RECOVERED drug addicts, alcoholics, career criminals, “treatment failures,” and “hopeless cases.” They’re people with long histories of depression, anger, anxiety, suicide attempts, self-mutilation, abusive relationships, aggression, eating disorders, Bipolar Disorder, codependency, Borderline Personality Disorder, and other major life issues. Something Happened and they became disgusted enough or slowed down long enough to Think Things Through. They set their heart, mind, soul, and spirit on recovery…and THEY RECOVERED.

Think about people you know who have recovered…or recovery stories you’ve heard. How did they do it? What changes did they make in their life?

Recovery Requires Us…

…to turn away from old ways and respond to life in new ways.

…to use Life-Enhancing Coping Skills to deal with tough and trying times rather than our preferred Self-Destructive Coping Behaviors.

…to make changes in what we allow in our life and what we allow ourselves to be involved in.

…to remove toxic people and situations from our life…and add life-enhancing, recovery-supporting people and situations.

…to fill our life with meaningful activities and relationships…things that give life meaning and value.

…to have hope and faith that things will get better as we get better.

…to accept that life isn’t easy or always enjoyable.

…to accept and deal with the difficult things that Come Our Way.

…to give ourselves time to grow into and be…more and more the person we were designed to be.

People who recover make many changes in their life. They realize recovery is a process…a lifestyle…and NOT a one-time event! Recovery requires work. It’s work worth doing…because we’re worth the work and the people who love us and depend on us are worth our work and sacrifices! Recovery requires dedication and perseverance to live, eat, and breathe the principles, concepts, and skills for living a Recovery Lifestyle. This workbook also requires dedication and perseverance to work through. It’ll teach many principles, concepts, and skills for living a Recovery Lifestyle.

Our Humanity
It’s important to accept we’re human…and because of our humanity, we’ve made many errors and bad decisions. Most of us have done some pretty stupid and shameful things…and many self-defeating things over and over! We’re human and we have a record of our life to prove it! If you find yourself wearing these shoes, realize you’re not the trailblazer. Many have come before you…and many are walking the same path right now. You might say, “Yeah, some more than others!”…and you’re right!

We’re a product of our past experiences and the environments we were raised in. It’s RARE that a kid with a stable home environment, emotionally healthy parents, positive role models, and good self-esteem begins to live a troubled life. Something generally happened that led the kid off course. RARELY do kids with “good enough upbringings” just “go bad.” This isn’t meant to minimize OUR RESPONSIBILITY for our behavior and choices, but it’s important to understand “why we are the way we are” is because Something Happened in our life, be it one very difficult situation or many.

On Acceptance
Recovery requires us to accept what has happened…has happened…and what we’ve done, we’ve done. These things are of the past. They’re over and they’re done. Nothing we can do now will change the past. It’s history. It’s our history. Today is the present…and the things we do today CAN CHANGE our life…our today and our tomorrows. Focus on today and plan for tomorrow…and live the wisdom of “The Serenity Prayer” – “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

This workbook will help us develop skills to manage our life in the here-and-now. We’ll learn skills to cope effectively with our problems, to set boundaries to prevent and minimize emotional distress and problems, to gain peace and acceptance, and to make lifestyle changes which will gradually lead to relief, peace, then satisfaction, and finally, joy. Some people recover on the first try; however, recovery usually takes many attempts over many years. Some days may be easy…and some more difficult. Recovery hinges on minute-to-minute and hour-to-hour decisions to remain on the Recovery Path. We can help ourselves along the way by seeking people who will support and encourage us along the path of recovery…AND BY AVOIDING people who are critical or negative BECAUSE THESE PEOPLE ARE TOXIC TO OUR RECOVERY.

On Recovery
We can be “straight A” therapy students. We can earn extra credit on every assignment. We can have all the answers and understandings possible. However, to recover, WE’VE GOT TO BE WILLING TO APPLY THE PRINCIPLES OF RECOVERY TO OUR LIFE! Knowing what to do is one thing…actually doing it is another! We must DO recovery things and LIVE a Recovery Lifestyle. This often requires us to STEP OUT OF OUR COMFORT ZONE AND TAKE THE STEPS NECESSARY TO CHANGE OUR LIFE. The question is…“WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO GIVE UP OR CHANGE IN ORDER FOR YOUR LIFE TO CHANGE…FOR THE BETTER?!!”

That’s a difficult question. Honestly reflect on it a minute. What are you WILLING to give up or change in order for your life to change?

No doubt you have some things in mind…and heart…that YOU KNOW MUST CHANGE…in order for YOUR LIFE to CHANGE and your LIFE SITUATIONS to IMPROVE. There are many things we need to give up and change. These are often things we have NO DESIRE to give up or change. That’s where we run into problems. We have the gut wisdom TO KNOW what these things are…they’re just hard to look at and deal with! What do you NEED TO CHANGE? This question will come up many times during this study. The answer you write today may be very different from your answer later. That’s because this study will help you gain insight and learn more about the things that mess up our lives and keep our lives messed up.

Take a few moments and reflect on your thoughts and feelings about this opening reading. Does it make you excited? Uneasy? Anxious? Does it bring a sense of hope and peace…and light at the end of the tunnel…or does it bring a sense of dread…or some of both?

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Posted in Acceptance - Non-Acceptance, Excerpts, Relapse - Recovery Dynamics, Self-Destructive Behavior, Willingness - Willfulness

Tagged acceptance, addictions, CBT, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, DBT, DBT-CBT, determination, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, emotional healing, fighting for recovery, healing, hope, humanity, life changes, recovery, self-help, self-understanding

I’ve Quit Smoking…and I Think I’ve Stopped the Bloating, Weight Gain, and Constipation!

Posted on July 1, 2009 | 3 comments

Well, good things are happening! I’m so excited! I think the latest revisions to my non-smoking DBT-CBT Game Plan are going to be successful. I stopped smoking 9 days ago…and this time, my weight is stable, no bloating, no constipation…life is good! I think cutting down on the soda and the protein bars has helped as well as chewing a few pieces of Nicorette’s type gum per day. Haven’t rode horses in a week, so exercise hasn’t changed much! But, so far, so good. Hope this major blessing continues. I feel so fortunate that something is finally working…given how I’ve struggled with quitting for 6 months. I’m not “out of the woods” yet, so I am going to have to continue to be Mindful of my goal to remain smoke-free…and I’m going to have to keep on keeping on.

Honestly, I’ve quit smoking successfully about a dozen times since I’ve been in my early teens…and I’ve always quit knowing I’d smoke again someday. But, this time, I’m not sure that I will ever smoke again…because I’ve had hell this past 6 months trying to quit. I’ve never had trouble quitting…once I decided to quit. This time around has been very different. I guess it’s the effects of aging or something…but this bloating, constipation, weight gain thing has kicked my butt. I’ve stopped smoking and have restarted smoking about 6 times this year… because of MAJOR weight gain, bloating, and constipation! There’s about 5 or 6 other blog entries documenting this struggle! I hope when I write this weekend, I will have about 12-13 smoke-free days under my belt!

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Posted in I Finally Quit Smoking!

Tagged addictions, bloating, breaking habits, cigarettes, constipation, determination, fighting for recovery, hope, quit smoking, quitting smoking, recovery, relapse, self-help, smoking, smoking cessation, struggling through addictions, success, weight gain, weight loss

Quit smoking: Managing the Bloating, the Weight Gain, and the Constipation…

Posted on June 28, 2009 | Leave a comment

As planned, I quit smoking AGAIN on Tuesday, June 20-some-odd, 2009. I prepared for this by changing my diet and adding exercise to my weekly schedule. Two major life changes! These are things that I did not want to give up or change. I’m no different than the rest of the world…I want my life to change in major ways…but I don’t want to have to change in major ways…and I certainly don’t want to step outside my comfort zone!

About a week before I quit, I began to ride horses with my daughter in the evening…awesome exercise! I also cut WAY down on sodas, diet sodas of course…I cut WAY down on the number of protein bars eaten PER day…and I added a bunch of fruit to my daily diet. I had just recently noticed that I was bloating even though I was still smoking…and I noticed that this occurred after a breakfast of diet soda and a protein bar…and a protein bar for lunch! MAJOR BLOAT! It went away in a few hours and did not cause weight gain though! However, I became mindful of a “while smoking bloating pattern.”

The Tuesday morning that I quit, I purchased a box of generic brand Nicorettes gum. I got the 4 mg strength for folks who smoke more than 25 cigarettes a day rather than the 2 mg strength for folks like me who smoke less than 25 per day. I did the math…it makes the gum half price for me! I would smoke about 15 a day, so I just chew a half piece several times a day. I chew it to keep some nicotine in my system to keep my body revved up so I don’t get so bloated and constipated…and gain 7-10 pounds in 7-10 days!

Everything went well the first couple days…but, everything wasn’t perfect. By Thursday afternoon, I hadn’t pooped for about 4 days…so, I bought a box of Correctol…a laxative that’s SUPPOSED TO BE very mild. The box says to take 1-3 tabs…well, not being a laxative queen, I took just one Thursday evening. Nothing happening by Friday afternoon, so, I took another one. Well…things began to happen Friday evening…and I think everything cleared out including the box of cherry tomatoes I had for lunch that day. Needless to say, my weight was good Saturday AM…and I’m not smoking…and I’m not bloated…nor constipated right now!

Laxatives are a major concern…and something I’ve taken about three times in my life because I absolutely don’t want to become addicted or dependent on laxatives. This will NOT be part of my weekly non-smoking plan! I purchased Activia yogurt yesterday…it’s guaranteed to increase regularity if you have one a day for two weeks. I’m trying that.

Some may think I am entirely crazy to be posting about bowel habits…however, if you go to this link and type in various keywords or keyword strings related to quitting smoking and bloating…or constipation…you will see that MANY people are having this problem. It will tell you how many times in the last month these keywords were entered into google for a search. Also, many people are reading this blog…so, there’s other people who are struggling with this as well. I write this as a help to others…and maybe, folks will benefit from my struggles and come up with a Game Plan to quit smoking that fits their lifestyle and needs.

Another point. I shared my struggles with my sister. She was going with my Dad to his cardiologist that day. She spoke with the heart doc and he was seemingly oblivious to this side effect of quitting smoking. He told her that if I was so constipated, I needed to see a Dr. immediately because I had something major going on! Boy, did she call me back with a great sense of urgency in her voice! FUN-NY! Also, my boy became ill this week and I took him to our family doctor. While there, I asked him what I could do about this problem. Because of what he was advising me, I told him several times that the MENTAL part of quitting was no big deal, it was the physical side-effects that were kicking my butt…and leading me to relapse. You know, I don’t think he ever really heard me because he continued to talk about mood, irritability, bitchiness, etc. Could this bloating–constipation thing be a side-effect that the medical profession isn’t noticing?

In case you’re curious, my Doc recommended Wellbutrin as a medication to help quit smoking. He says he’s had a very high success rate with this, around 85%. He said Chantix isn’t doing so well in his practice. He also recommended the nicotine patch. He didn’t like the idea of the gum because he said you can’t really control how much nicotine you’re getting…like chewing faster, longer, etc. His concern is that I’d end up with a nicotine gum habit to deal with!

I got the script for the Wellbutrin, but I’ll hold off filling it. Will finish the trial of what I am currently doing and I’ll see how it works. Will go to Plan H, I, or J if this current Game Plan doesn’t work!

Well, that’s the update. I hope I have good news at the end of this next week. So… so far so good…for the first 5 days of NO SMOKING attempt number 6 or 7 this year!

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Posted in I Finally Quit Smoking!

Tagged bloating, cigarettes, constipation, determination, fighting for recovery, quit smoking, quitting smoking, self-help, smoking, smoking cessation, struggling through addictions

Quit smoking the DBT-CBT therapy way: Attempt #7 – Making my “failures to succeed” successful failures

Posted on June 21, 2009 | Leave a comment

Here I go again. Another attempt to quit smoking. This constitutes try number 6 or 7 this year. However, I’m stubborn, hard-headed, and persistent…and I’ll keep trying until I make it. This is something that is do-able and something I’m able to do!

My last blog entry was a week or two ago and I had resumed smoking because of major bloating, constipation, and weight gain…like 7-10 pounds in 7-10 days. This has happened each time I have quit smoking this year.

My plan is to quit on Tuesday, my next work day. No smokes on the way to work…and none thereafter! Over the past two weeks, I’ve noticed that I’ve bloated even while smoking; however, I haven’t had the constipation and weight gain. The bloating has come and gone. So, I became mindful of the bloat patterns and noticed it seemed to occur when I drank soda and ate a couple protein bars. So, I gave up soda and protein bars for about 5 days and I had absolutely no bloating. WOW! I began eating some protein bars the last few days because I started feeling VERY tired. However, I did so in moderation and I’ve had a few sodas. Only one bloat session occurred. I’m going to practice moderation with both of these because I like them…and don’t want to have to give them up, TOO!

I am going to start exercising today. I’ll get the junk off the fancy treadmill and do that in front of the TV. I’ll ride horses with my daughter a couple times a week. I need to do something to offset the decrease in metabolism due to not smoking…and to offset a couple hundred extra calories that I might consume daily due to quitting smoking. I’ve lost more weight than I care to admit in the last four years and I have no intention of putting on a lot of weight. I can tolerate a few pounds…but then, it must come off again!

I’ve also added several servings of fruit per day over the last week. I’ll keep that up because it will help offset constipation.

If I start bloating again, I’ll buy some nicorettes and give that a try. If I fail this time again, I have a Dr’s appointment in a few weeks and I’ll try something else. I WILL make this happen.

Here’s an excerpt from the DBT-CBT therapy workbook that I wrote…and it’s something I believe in and I live by. It’s from a section entitled, “Failing to Succeed…or Successful Failures.” It’s in Chapter 7, the Rational Mind chapter…where the Emotional Driven Lies we tell ourselves are challenged through Rational Mind. This excerpt relates to the “I’ll never be able to do it.” and the “Everything I try gets screwed up somehow” type of lies we tell ourselves that sabotage our recovery.

“When we fail, we need to SEEK AN UNDERSTANDING of WHY WE FAILED. We need to LEARN FROM IT and CORRECT WHAT WE’RE DOING. We need to change or adjust our plan to deal with what went wrong. Successful “failures” start with PLAN A and go to PLAN B, C, D, E…and so on until things work out! Despite their failures, THEY KEEP ON KEEPING ON!

Changing our LIFESTYLE and our LIFE IS VERY DIFFICULT. We need to ACCEPT OUR FAILURES and UNDERSTAND they’re a NATURAL part of the LEARNING PROCESS…IF we learn from them.

So I will practice what I preach and I’ll keep trying until I make it. I’ll just DBT-CBT my way through it and rather than failing to succeed, I will make my attempts successful failures.

The following are some quotes off the side margin of the aforementioned section in the DBT-CBT Recovery Workbook:

“The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy of Failure: I expect to fail so I don’t try very hard …so, I fail.”

“If we don’t put forth a FULL effort, we’ll never REALLY KNOW if we can succeed.”

“Some of our greatest leaders and wealthiest people failed many times before they achieved great success.”

“We never fail until we quit trying. Success comes to those who are determined to overcome obstacles
in their path.”

“When we understand our failures are a part of the learning process, then we can constructively accept our failures and learn from them.”

This relates to the 8-18 tries at recovery it takes on average to recover from substance abuse: “Some say, ‘Been there, done 14, I’ve got to be real close to making it!’ Folks who are new to recovery are discouraged, ‘I don’t want to do this that many times.’ Be Mindful that 8-18 is an average. Some make it on the 1st try (they need to write the book!), others on the 25th. Some make it in 3 tries, others in 20. Bear in mind though…these numbers don’t mean it’s okay to relapse 17 times ‘just because we can’ and then work real hard on the 18th try!”

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Posted in I Finally Quit Smoking!

Tagged addictions, bloating, breaking habits, CBT, cigarettes, DBT, determination, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Emotion-Driven Lies, fighting for recovery, quit smoking, quitting smoking, Rational Mind, recovery, relapse, sabotaging oneself, self-help, smoking, smoking cessation, struggling through addictions, success, weight gain, weight loss

How to Get Control of the Quit Smoking Bloat, Weight Gain, and Constipation! Must DBT my way through it!

Posted on June 13, 2009 | Leave a comment

I teach DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy)…in fact I wrote the DBT-CBT Recovery Workbook, “Out of Control.” I have the skills and understandings for behavioral change…I’ve recovered from many things…and I’ve kicked many habits…but this one is kicking my butt this time. This is a follow-up to two previous “I’M TRYING TO STOP SMOKING” WordPress blogs. It’s been about two weeks since my last blog on trying to quit smoking and the bloating and weight gain that compels me to resume smoking. So, I’ve been smoking again for the last two weeks. It’s really a love-hate relationship with smoking…I love to smoke, I hate to smoke. I hate it more than I love it and I’m determined to quit. My plan continues to be to get a Game Plan for quitting. I am going to a conference tomorrow in California on risk assessment, the Reid Meloy PCL-R one. I didn’t want to suffer the agony of being three sizes bigger and “feeling fat,” so I’ve allowed myself to smoke for this period…two weeks plus the conference.

Folks in my DBT Group would say I am just sabotaging myself and falling into the trap of Emotional Mind by coming up with Emotion-Driven Lies and Excuses to continue smoking…that my excuse to smoke is nothing but an excuse to smoke. Alike many people who sabotage themselves this way, I would say, “I’ve got a plan to quit and this is part of my plan. If you knew me, you’d know I was going to quit…and this is part of my quitting plan.” And everyone else would say…”Bull Sheets…that’s just bull, Sheets!” And I would say…”Just sit back and watch. I’ve quit many things in my life and I will quit this…come hail or high water…I’ll find an umbrella to make it through this storm.” And, I will. I’m determined to quit and I’ll find a way. If I knew that smoking two more weeks and through the conference would cause me lung cancer, I’d put this cigarette out right here, right now, and call it quits. Glad I don’t know that! I do think about it though and I’ve asked God to see me through this…and keep me safe while I get ‘er done.

I sent an email out to the Docs and nurse practitioners at the hospital yesterday and was just about desperate enough to send an email out across campus. I explained this bloating – constipation – weight gain problem and I asked if they knew of a medication or patch that would minimize this. I read a bit about Chantix and stopped at the side effects of constipation and gas! I haven’t studied any more…so, I don’t know if Nicorette gum or other nicotine replacement therapies will help. I’m hoping some readers will share their experiences and we can figure out what to do. Many people are reading this blog, so many are struggling with the same thing. Please leave some comments and let us know what works and what doesn’t. I’d really like a magic pill or patch so I can easily quit smoking. I’ve quit 5-6 times this year and I’m fine mentally, emotionally, and psychologically after the first couple days…until this bloat thing happens and my weight soars…and my pant size increases by 2. So, if I can get this bloat thing figured out, I’d be quit again in no time. I seek the “No pain…big gain” method of recovery!

So, if I don’t know of anything else to do when I return from the conference, I’ll set another quit date, try Nicorette gum or something similar and go at it again. I understand that the gum is expensive…and I did try to sabotage myself with that excuse…but, my Rational Mind isn’t going to put up with that crap and quickly reminded me that smoking is more expensive. Ended that. I do have a doctor appointment set up in early July and I can get some information from my PCP at that time if Nicorettes doesn’t work. I’ve also become Mindful that my current diet is very high in fiber and protein and that may be why I am having this new problem with quitting smoking. I’ve always been able to quit for long periods of time and have never had this problem…until this year. Maybe I have to change my diet and eat more roughage rather than soft protein bars. Maybe I have to exercise more often. Do you know that riding a horse burns about 200 calories an hour? All I have to do is to go outside, sit on a horse for an hour, and let it take me for a walk! That’s sure a lazy woman’s way to exercise. If I can hold on while the horse gallops, I can burn about 500 an hour! I thought about putting a sign on my horse’s butt and trotting past power-walkers on the road or galloping past a jogger that says “I’m burning more calories than you!” FUN-NY! Yes, I know I’m not getting the same cardio benefits…nor pulmonary…but the mental picture is quite amusing!

Long blog short…I’m still smoking and I’m not done quitting! I’ll keep folks posted on this journey and what I learn as I go…and what I have to do to get there! Hope there’s a magic pill!

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Posted in I Finally Quit Smoking!

Tagged bloating, breaking habits, CBT, cigarettes, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, constipation, DBT, DBT-CBT, determination, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Emotion-Driven Lies, Emotional Mind, fighting for recovery, God, humor, introspection, psychologist, quit smoking, quitting smoking, Rational Mind, recovery, sabotaging oneself, self-destructive behavior, self-help, self-understanding, smoking, smoking cessation, struggling through addictions, weight gain, weight loss

Fighting Through the Battle to NOT Smoke Cigarettes…Armed with DBT-CBT Skills and Understandings

Posted on May 30, 2009 | Leave a comment

I weighed myself this morning and I lost 4 pounds over the past 24 hours. Back below the 130 mark. That part of my Emotional Mind feels relief. I’m about mad and frustrated though that this is the way things are…that I have to smoke again to get my body working again…that smoking does this for me and my body is addicted to the cigarettes. I’ve smoked and quit smoking probably 20 times in my life with about 6 times being over the last 5 months…I’ve never had this kind of problem before when I’ve quit smoking. My body has never reacted like this. For me, quitting smoking has always been a choice…a decision. I would decide to quit and I quit…and that was that. I was fine. It was a no big deal type of thing. It was a decision.

Today, it’s not just a decision. It’s not so easy. I’m having big major problems quitting. My body is addicted and it’s causing me big major problems. That makes me angry / frustrated because I want to be in control of my body and my life. I want to be able to make decisions about my behavior…and to be able to change my behavior without all these problems. I want to decide to do something…and then it happens. I did quit smoking for 10 days because I set my mind to it…but then, something happened. The something that happened is that a big boulder fell out of the sky and slammed right into the middle of my recovery path. That something was the bloating, constipation, and subsequent MASSIVE weight gain. My reality changed. Things aren’t the same as they used to be. I have something new to deal with.

That reality is that I’m not 16 or 25 or 35 anymore. I’m getting older and my body is changing. Things aren’t the same as they were before when I’ve successfully quit smoking…and my task in life right now is to adjust and deal with my new reality. My reality is…my body is having a major GI (gastrointestinal) response to withdrawal from cigarettes. My body is reacting in a big way. My reality is that to be successful with quitting smoking, I am going to have to find a way around, over, through, or passed this big obstacle in my recovery path. I am going to have to find a way to deal with it.

A bit of history. I have lost 145 pounds over the last 4 years. I was never FAT until I got FAT at about the age of 29. I was usually in the 115 to 135 range…but then, marriage to a man that eats, children, and a job AND a business away from home that created a chaotic out-of-control eating lifestyle…led me to gain a pound or so a month…over many months…to become VERY overweight. This is another story and over time, I’ll blog about it. But today, I’ve lost a ton of weight…and I am determined NOT to get fat again. I don’t want to go back there again.

So, it really alarms me when my weight starts going up and I’m NOT IN CONTROL. Since I quit smoking 10 days ago, my weight went up 7 pounds. The last day before I quit smoking, it jumped two pounds. Rationally, I know it’s not real weight, granted maybe ½ a pound of it is because I was eating a bit more those days. However, I went up two pant sizes and even the bigger size was a little tight. My Emotional Mind was very disturbed. If we can even call it Wise Mind…it kicked in and said smoke again, get your weight back down, and get a new Game Plan. That sounds like a horrible Emotion-Driven Lie I told myself. However, I know me and I know my sense of determination and I can get away with that. I am bound and determined to kick this smoking thing because I don’t want to be 65 and tied to an oxygen tank. I have other plans for my life and it doesn’t include toting around an oxygen tank. I will find a way to make this happen…one way or another…and come hail or high water.

I still have some options. I can talk with a doctor and find out if a patch or a pill can ease my physiological withdrawal from cigarettes and can keep my body from reacting so intensely to the lack of whatever poison it is in cigarettes that is causing this bloating, constipation, and major weight gain. I can start exercising regularly to keep my metabolism up and to offset the increase in calories. I can ask my family NOT to bring ANYTHING in the house that will tempt me to eat…to hide it in their room, leave it in the car, but to keep it out of my range of vision. In the last few days, Sour Cream and Onion Lays potato chips came in the house and a box of Reeses’ cereal. Even snacking on those added 300 calories to my day…on Thursday…the day I decided to smoke again. I can also make some calorie / diet changes to what I normally eat on my own and without temptation from others. I can adjust my routine diet. I’m not done yet. I still have some options…and I still have a helluva lot of fight inside me to get past and through this tough time. Come hail or high water and boulders that fall out of the sky, I will make it through…because it is important to me to quit smoking. Do pray for me because I really want this to happen…and I need all the help I can get!

Copyright Statement: Material contained within this blog is copyrighted protected with all rights reserved © Melanie Gordon Sheets commencing in 2009 and extending through the present age. Please request permission to quote or otherwise use material obtained from this blog by emailing: service@dbt-cbt-workbook.com

Please visit the website www.dbt-cbt-workbook.com for more information about the DBT-CBT Workbook. The full title is “Out-of-Control: A Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) – Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Workbook for Getting Control of Our Emotions and Emotion-Driven Behavior” – Recovery Works Publications, 2009.

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Posted in I Finally Quit Smoking!, I've Lost 100 Pounds!

Tagged CBT, DBT, determination, dieting, fighting for recovery, introspection, quit smoking, Rational Mind, smoking cessation, struggling through addictions, success, weight loss, Wise Mind

Tag Archives: determination

What Frees You To Be Yourself…And To Achieve To Your Potential: Acceptance Of Self And Others From A DBT-CBT Perspective

Using Rational Mind to Challenge the Emotional Mind Lies We Tell Ourselves That Sabotage Our Self-Confidence and Recovery: A View of Addiction Recovery from a DBT-CBT Therapy Perspective

What Causes People to Change? When It’s Painful To Change But More Painful Not To

Pain and Suffering and the Pain of Change

How to Motivate People to Change – Some Keys to Recovery from a DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) and CBT (Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy) Recovery Program

Why Am I Eating More and Gaining Weight: Using DBT-CBT Principles to Become Mindful of Mindless Eating

Using DBT CBT Workbook Recovery Skills To Get Control Of My Out-Of-Control Eating! Losing Weight Again!

On Losing 145 Pounds and Using Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to Regain Control Over My Over-Eating Eating Disorder!

Willfulness and Willingness…Fighting for Recovery…From My Overeating Disorder!

DBT – CBT and dieting: Counting Calories…and They’re Adding Up!

Using DBT and CBT to lose weight

I Quit Smoking and Got Around the Bloating, the Constipation, and the Weight Gain

An Intro to Recovery from the Out-of-Control DBT-CBT Therapy Workbook

I’ve Quit Smoking…and I Think I’ve Stopped the Bloating, Weight Gain, and Constipation!

Quit smoking: Managing the Bloating, the Weight Gain, and the Constipation…

Quit smoking the DBT-CBT therapy way: Attempt #7 – Making my “failures to succeed” successful failures

How to Get Control of the Quit Smoking Bloat, Weight Gain, and Constipation! Must DBT my way through it!

Fighting Through the Battle to NOT Smoke Cigarettes…Armed with DBT-CBT Skills and Understandings

DBT-CBT Workbook Facebook Page

The DBT-CBT “Out-of-Control” Therapy Workbook

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